Apparently as the stories go I was sent to pre-school but all I am told is that it didn't work out. I was taken out after a short time. After repeated inquiry that is the only statement given to me. No answers to specifics as to what happened. But I got the gist of the disappointment and embarrassment my parents felt as they relayed that short statement to me with their heads bowed and eyes averted. I felt the shame that I was inadequate.
School was not was not the American dream for me as it was for others. Kindergarten was in the basement of the library in Louisiana, MO. I was scared to death to leave my mother's side. I would claw at the doorway in order to stay in the house. I was so frightened; of what I am not sure. I just knew leaving her side could end my life. I remember once clinging to the car doorway as the door was shut on my fingers. It hurt like everything. My mother took me in to get my fingers bandaged up and I was so relieved believing I would be able to stay home. But she bandaged me up and put me back into the the carpooler's mom's car. How could my mom bandage me up and put me back into the car? So young and didn't understand. The only times I was willing to go to Kindergarten was when my mom was the carpool Mom. I could be safe with her on the journey. At least I was with her longer. Why she didn't drive me everyday I never could figure out, just to help me through. I guess the time was of the essence to her; saving that time in driving was more important. What I remember in Kindergarten was a dark basement room with a few toys. It seemed to be an okay place but dark. I remember a boy named Stan who was round with a beet red face. I was curious about him and his appearance; round and beet red. We played table games together. It seemed safe. My favorite part of Kindergarten was going to the park and sitting in a circle on the concrete surrounding a flag pole and waiting for the teacher to pass out vanilla wafers. I loved the vanilla wafers and best of all being outside. The sun and air helped me feel better. I could feel the warmth on my face as I ate my vanilla wafer and all was good at that moment.
